<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Me Too by IrisRoseee</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27817246">Me Too</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrisRoseee/pseuds/IrisRoseee'>IrisRoseee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>404 Shit Finale not found, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Anxiety, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Cheese, Crowley is Death, Depersonalization, Depression, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, First Kiss, Fix-It, Fluff, Hurt Dean Winchester, Internalized Homophobia, John Winchester Being an Asshole, M/M, Minor Violence, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rage, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vomiting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:54:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,452</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27817246</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrisRoseee/pseuds/IrisRoseee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after 15x19.<br/>Mainly from Dean's pov/third person.<br/>Basically how the show should have wrapped up.<br/>Tonight we're slaying personal demons, not literal ones.<br/>Spoiler: They all LIVE happily ever after.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Jack Kline/Happiness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>77</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please be gentle... I don't really ~do~ this.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sam rides shotgun, Dean sleeps in, The boys drink, Dean kneels on a pillow.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>With Jack and Cas now both gone, the drive back to the bunker was silent as Sam stared out the window at all the bustling and renewed life exploding all around them. He had received a call from Eileen pretty much as soon as Jack left, her eyes filled with tears threatening to fall as Sam filled her in on the events that had just taken place. Sam sighed audibly. He was feeling impatient as if the Impala crawled in slow motion in comparison to the vibrant, energetic life restored to the planet just moments before. He couldn't wait to see Eileen in person. He imagined her smile slowly spreading into a beam, catching the corner of her eyes where they crinkle. The idea of everything finally being put right with Chuck; the concept that finally he was able to rest, was something he had only ever dreamed of, and now that his dream was a reality, he didn't quite know where to begin.</p><p><br/><em>A kiss,</em> he decided, a kiss was a great start. Maybe a date, if she agreed. Not a rushed lunch date with Dean waiting for him so they could hit the road, and not a coffee date over old leather-bound lore books and a beat-up laptop, a proper date; a fancy date. A restaurant with an overpriced meal. Somewhere, he decided, he wanted to feel out of place. He wanted to go somewhere he could secretly worry that he would be kicked out if the waiter took a look at the brand name on his cheap suit. The idea of the two of them sitting across from one another in a world he never belonged to… a small smile took to his lips… The sudden realization occurred to him, he could try belonging to any world now. He could test out the versions of himself he always wanted to be. He could actually finally be the guy who took his girl to fancy restaurants and ordered overpriced meals... hell, maybe one day he'd actually be able to afford an expensive suit.</p><p> </p><p>-----</p><p> </p><p>Things had been slow since Jack disappeared and by slow I mean there was not a single case to be found. No ghouls, no demons, not even any vampires! Dean woke at 11:26 am to the sound of scratching and whimpering at his door. His head pounded as he steadied himself and made his way across the room to let Miracle inside. The small ball of fur bounced up onto the bed instinctively beside where Dean sat, slowly and gingerly, his hand reached for the glass of water on the nightstand beside him. He looked around at his room, bottles littered almost every inch of surface available. He noticed one on the nightstand had toppled over at some point during the night. "Damn it," he said hoarsely as he shook the now wet and smudged list of parts he'd written down the previous day while on the phone to Charlie. He squinted at the ink trying to decipher what it had once said before giving up and setting it down again with a sigh, reminding himself that she didn't really care about getting the old Pontiac she found at a car yard fixed up and merely was trying to keep him busy while he looked for work. As Dean sat there looking at the mess that was now his room, he considered whether going back to sleep would be the best option as he wrestled with the idea of walking all the way over to the kitchen and putting on a pot of coffee. Of course, if Sam still lived at the bunker there's no way Dean would ever get away with waking up this late and there would definitely be a nice warm pot of coffee all ready and waiting for him. Dean rubbed his hands against his stubbled mouth before speaking, "Come on, boy" he pat Miracle on the head twice before making his way down the hall, his feet meeting the cold concrete and waking him ever so slightly. He knew there was no point in giving in to his self-destructive tendencies today given that he'd be visiting Sam and Eileen for dinner tonight at their new house. Sam had been on his case lately about moving out of the bunker and selling it (for a friends and family discount) to Jody and the girls. Dean couldn't fault the idea but he just felt that everything had happened so quickly after Chuck. He deserved a holiday... and so what if his ideal vacation was him, a case of beer, and a miracle dog hanging out in a huge abandoned hunters lair. He'll get around to having a sitdown with Jody and the girls, hell, maybe he'd even stick around and teach them a thing or two. For now, though he was happy enough catching up on some well-needed rest, he told himself.</p><p> </p><p>-----</p><p> </p><p>"Jody wants us to visit" Sam began, taking a swig of beer. It had only been half an hour since Dean had pulled up into the lavish driveway that circled the front of the two-story brick house. <em>Big enough for him to start a family of his own</em>, Dean noted. Tall green hedges lined the gravel where the boys sat on the hood of the impala. Dean ignored him.</p><p>"I gotta hand it to you man, you really went all out, everything but the actual white picket fence" he placed his empty beer bottle inside the open window of the car, avoiding eye contact. He could feel the anger rise on his face at his brother for starting up about the bunker already. Sam swiftly opened another bottle from the six-pack next to him and handed it to his older brother. "Thanks". He popped the end of the bottle straight into his mouth and took a large gulp.</p><p>"Yeah well, just wait until you see inside". Sam chuckled.</p><p>"Always rushing now'days" Dean responded shaking his head. "You know it's not going anywhere right?" As he said the words he wondered if that truly was his brother's problem. Maybe, after all they'd been through Sam felt as if there was only a short amount of time before the other shoe dropped? What had it been, weeks? Maybe a few months since everything went down? "It's not like Jack- or God... or whatever" he waved his hand gesturing to the world around them "Is gonna come back down and take it all away" Sam smiled without it reaching his eyes. "Hell, if you can find a single big bad for me to slice and dice, I'd throw you a damn parade" Dean downed the beer instinctually and refused to meet his brother's eyes.</p><p>"I know, Dean" Sam noted "It's just been hard adjusting, ya know?" he looked around at his new home. "I just feel like we finally deserve some peace... Both of us." He studied Dean's face waiting for a response. Unsure he'd receive any.</p><p>"Hey man, I'm at peace." Dean declared, forcing the strange pang in the pit of his stomach down. He hated when Sam looked at him like that like he was trying to expose every microexpression he made. He took another long gulp of beer, intent on examining the bright and cheery flowers running across the window sills of Sam and Eileen's new home.</p><p>"Oh yeah, you're the poster boy for mental health" Sam shook his head. The anger started to rise inside Dean again. He knew that Sam was only trying to help but it did nothing to help quiet the pit of his stomach screaming for attention. He knew he had left it too long to reply with a clever comeback so the silence grew between them. He pushed himself up from the bonnet.</p><p>"You gonna invite me in to see this place or am I gonna have to come back after dark with a flashlight and break in."</p><p> </p><p>-----</p><p> </p><p>Dean woke stiff and sore, his legs crammed up against his torso. The streetlight peering down through the opened window helped him put together enough of the night before. He'd fallen asleep on the couch. At some point, beer had turned to whisky which was also roughly around the time that the conversation had turned to retelling stories of old hunts. Eileen had been a good sport, Dean noted, pretending that she was interested in hearing about the time Dean had rapidly aged from messing with a witch in a poker game and the time Sam body-swapped with a gawky teenager.</p><p>Dean slowly sat up and pulled the thin blanket, kindly left for him, over his shoulders and stretched his legs out, kicking a beer bottle over in the process. <em>That's right</em>, he remembered, <em>after the whisky was empty I found another six-pack in the fridge</em>. He felt a little guilty, getting plastered enough to go searching for more alcohol in a home that wasn't his own. He recalled that at least everyone had gone to bed by then so he didn't receive any comments or odd looks, so he tried to tell himself it was alright. He made a mental note to not do anything like that again in the future though, <em>Don't need my little brother to stop inviting me around to his house.</em></p><p>Dean fumbled for his phone on the coffee table in front of him and looked at the time. It was 4:30 am. He cleared a space on the floor and placed the expensive-looking black and white striped cushion that he had used as a pillow, under his knees. "Alright," he whispered, his throat itchy from roaring with laughter and yelling excitedly only hours earlier. He put his elbows against the coffee table and cleared his throat as he placed his hands together. It felt strange, it would always feel strange. He closed his eyes and began his nightly ritual "Jack, uhh... God." he croaked. "Dean here. Again." He noted that with his eyes closed the room felt as if it were spinning. He hadn't had so much to drink in a long time. "I don't know if you're waiting for a specific number of prayers from me, buddy, but honestly, it's getting old". He sighed deeply. "Any day you wanna make an appearance works for me." Dean shifted his weight from his knees to his feet as the former started to burn. "Anyway… I'm at Sam's new shack... just in case you choose tonight to roll in. I'll be back home tomorrow, though." He peaked his eyes open and gave the room a once over before correcting himself. "I'll be back home in a few hours. Just…" that damned feeling in his stomach was back. "Just… really... kid, any sign that you're even getting this would be a win for me at this point" he sighed and rubbed his hands on his temples "I miss you… Amen." and with that he gathered up the cushion on the floor and returned back to the couch where he lay, trying to get comfortable, continuously checking his pocket to ensure it still contained a small folded piece of paper each time he rolled over. He ended up spending the next few hours trying not to think and desperately hoping sleep would come.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The boys drink, Dean breaks a chair, then plays with his food.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean was drunk. He felt the familiar lack of weight on his chest as he took the roast pork out of the oven. The smell of warm aromatic cooking combined harmoniously with the hum of excited chatter and clinking of cutlery as loaded dishes were placed throughout the kitchen.</p><p>"Pork, really? That's your choice for Easter dinner?" Sam's condescending tone broke through Dean's lull. Sam's lips were somewhere between a smile and a disapproving purse.</p><p>"Hey, you don't like it, you don't have it." Dean replied "More for me." he added, sliding across the bench to where Sam stood to snatch up his brother's drink as he placed it down.</p><p>"Where would you like me to put this?" Charlie asked, cutting in before Sam could react. She was holding an elaborate pie that was clearly a creation Stevie made considering Charlie was about as bad a baker as they come.</p><p>"Directly into my mouth," Dean stated grinning at her and tousling her hair. Sam, already deep in conversation with Donna, moved away from the bench and absentmindedly gestured for Charlie to place the dish on the already very loaded tabletop. Dean took a moment to survey the faces of everyone coming and going from the room. The hugging and smiling alone reassured him that he was doing the right thing by having a large get together for Easter this year. He took a swig of beer through his smiling lips and nodded in a daze. The bunker hadn't been filled with so many people in years and even though it was bittersweet at the time the memory of rescuing all those people from the apocalypse world seemed like a whole other lifetime ago.</p><p>"Bobby! Heyyy!" Dean bellowed as he strode through the kitchen to greet the gruff old man in a hug. He gave him two hard taps on the back as Bobby slid his hand down by Dean's jacket pocket.</p><p>"Happy Easter," Bobby returned in a far less enthusiastic tone. "You drunk already?" he asked, placing his hands on Dean's green canvas clad arms and taking a step back to study his face.</p><p>"Ugh," Dean feigned disgust, "The Bobby Singer I know would be out cold by now. What is it five pm?" He placed his now empty bottle on the table beside him.</p><p>"Lucky for you, I ain't that guy," Bobby said factually, shaking his head. "You look like microwaved shit, boy."</p><p>"Thanks. Always good to see you too". Dean remarked patting Bobby on the shoulder. Dean noticed a half-empty beer bottle left alone on the table and claimed it, swooping in, pressing it to his mouth before anyone could object, and strode from the kitchen. A few people had gathered in the library and he noticed Claire, Patience, and Alex rifling through some books as Kaia sat on a chair watching them. He couldn't make out what they were saying as he passed but he could tell by their hushed tone that they seemed excited by whatever they'd found.</p><p> </p><p>-----</p><p> </p><p>Dean was able to sneak off to his room rather easily, he discovered. He gently closed the door behind him, trying not to make any sound. Dean reached into his pocket and retrieved a ziplock bag that Bobby had subtly placed into it when they embraced. The bag was full of blood-soaked dirt from the ground where a murder had taken place. The biggest affront to God; man killing one another. He examined the dirt closely for blood and didn't hear the door open behind him.</p><p>"What are you doing, Dean?" Sam asked gently, his face full of pity as he looked over his older brother's shoulder at the bag he was clasping. Dean's mouth formed a thin line and he let out a single sad laugh, realizing he'd been caught out. He shook his head and put the bag down on his bed. He inhaled a long deep breath through his mouth trying desperately to subside the familiar rage that grew inside him before nodding, composing himself, and turning to look at his brother.</p><p>"I guess the cats outta the bag, huh?" He raised his eyebrows and lifted his arms as if baring his soul at his brother as if daring him to try to talk about what they already both knew.</p><p>"Dean-" Sam began. Dean shook his head. He focused on the anger boiling up inside of him.</p><p>"I swear to god, Sammy, if you say another damn word I'll break your nose". Dean eyed Sam desperately, willing him to turn around, leave the room, and never mention anything again.</p><p>"You could have let me in on what you had plann-" and as promised Dean's fist interacted with Sam's nose so hard it caused his stomach to lurch at the sound. Vomit burned as it pulsed through Dean's throat and onto the floor between the two brothers. Sam grabbed at his now bleeding nose and took a few steps back to avoid getting anything on his shoes. "Jesus! Dean!" Sam exclaimed watching his brother wipe his sleeve over his mouth before cradling his hand and shaking it as if it was an etch-a-sketch and he wished he could undo the last minute or so. "Look at yourself, man! Your drinking non-stop, hiding out here like you're afraid if you leave-"</p><p>"You have no damn idea what the hell you're talking about," Dean said, attempting to push past his brother and reach the door but Sam's been bigger than him for years and simply blocked the door by lazily putting his arm out.</p><p>"I heard you over at my house at four am, praying to Jack. I let it go because I... I figured we both needed some time to adjust, but seriously man, it's been months! You have to accept that this is what our lives are gonna be from now on". A tear rolled down Dean's cheek and he immediately swatted it away, gritting his teeth together. "I miss them too" Sam's voice was gentle again, filled with understanding... it did nothing to calm the rage in Dean. "Jack was family. Cas-". That was it. Dean grabbed the nearest thing he could find… a chair, and threw it at the wall, before falling to the ground, head in hands, sobbing in his own puke, the splintered remnants of the chair falling around him. He desperately wanted to tell Sam why he couldn't let go of the past. He wanted to explain the details of Castiel's death but nothing came out but deep strangled sobs and ragged gasping breaths. Sam stood there for a moment watching his brother unravel so unbelievably quickly and frowned. He hated that he'd let it get this bad. Sam and Dean were each other's responsibility. Sam had been so excited at the prospect of creating his own life that he had somehow convinced himself that Dean would eventually be okay... but seeing him like this, so completely broken, he'd realized how wrong he'd been; Dean wasn't going to get better, he was only getting worse.</p><p> </p><p>-----</p><p> </p><p>Dean had sobered up but his appetite had vanished. He stared at the food on his plate and moved it around a little with his fork. The tables in the library had all been pushed together and covered in plates. Everyone sat around filling their stomachs and filling each other in on momentous events they'd each missed out on. Dean sat in silence down on the corner of the table, closest to the entrance. He could feel Sam's eyes on him every now and again and tried to ignore it but he could feel himself shift under the weight of it... He was already ashamed he'd let himself get that messy earlier in front of his little brother and just knowing that when everyone left the bunker for the night he'd have a pile of vomit filled clothes and a puddle of puke to clean didn't make him feel any better.</p><p>"Just tell them or I will" Stevie stated, from the other end of the table. The pork Dean was so eager to devour earlier looked like something he would feed to Miracle, he decided, as he shoveled the mountain of potato on his plate on top of it to hide it from his eye line.</p><p>"We're getting married," Charlie declared in a somewhat embarrassed tone. Dean's eyes darted up from his plate to find a ring on her finger that he'd missed earlier. <em>I'm getting rusty,</em> he realized. <em>I used to catch that kind of thing on a case. I needed to notice it. </em> Charlie's eyes found him and he pulled together the greatest smile he could muster. He truly was happy for her. Although their relationship was nowhere like Charlie's from this world, he definitely wanted to see her happy and living her life to the fullest. Dean couldn't help but bring his eyes back down to his meal where he resumed moving the food around his plate. He wished he didn't have that annoying pang in his stomach again. He knew it was jealousy and he desperately wanted to feel only joy for the people he cared about most, that they had all moved on from The Life. He wanted them all to live the long and happy lives they so deserved. <em> Beats some random monster taking you out way too young. </em>If anyone told Dean a few months ago that he would never be randomly off'ed in the middle of nowhere in some falling down shack by some B-grade-horror-movie extra he would have laughed in their face. He knew it was either that or he'd be done in, in some high-stakes showdown with an all-powerful entity. It was his life purpose, he noted, pushing his peas into a love heart on his plate, to kill as many sons-of-bitches as he could before the inevitable happened. He smashed his fork down into the peas squishing the heart into a mushy paste. Claire cleared her throat. Dean placed the fork down gently before raising his brows as if slowly forcing his eyes to follow and make eye contact with her directly across from him at the table.</p><p>"You look like crap" she announced. God, he couldn't look at her. He licked his lip and smiled.</p><p>"Yeah? Well, thanks for that". He replied, voice dripping with sarcasm. He noticed her usually piercing blue eyes were dull and unfocused and there was an empty bottle of beer in front of her. "You don't look too hot yourself, kid."</p><p>"Huh." she shrugged. "I feel fabulous" She beamed a fake smile at him. Dean looked everywhere but her face. <em>Those eyes.</em> He started to feel sick again. The silence grew between them at their corner of the long makeshift table. The excited voices and laughter from the other end of the room felt like a slap in the face. "Dean…" Claire began, her voice low and serious. She seemed hesitant to continue. A long pause followed as she stared at the empty bottle, working up the courage to continue. Suddenly another fake smile exploded onto her face, "Can I have another beer?" she asked, returning to her carefully curated light and pleasant tone.</p><p>"Ask Jody". Dean gathered his plate and Claire's empty bottle and wandered into the kitchen. He scraped the leftovers from his plate into the dog bowl in the corner and placed the empty plate into the sink before clearing up the many beer bottles he'd left lying around earlier. Deep in thoughts of self-loathing, he didn't notice that he was followed.</p><p>"I… uhh..." Dean jumped. He shut his eyes tight trying not to swear. He gently placed his fist against the table as if he was ready to fight whatever had snuck up on him.</p><p>"Damnit, Claire". He slowly opened his eyes and smiled, shaking his head at a distant memory and the irony. "A little notice," he said between dull chuckles.</p><p>"Sorry. I... just need to talk to you." she looked nervous, wringing her hands together. Dean's smile faded. He didn't want to do this. "I don't really know what to say," she began.</p><p>"There's nothing to say" Dean resolved, turned, and continued collecting the empty bottles.</p><p>"You've been avoiding Jody" Dean had to give it to her, she was damned determined. "I know that you know that Sam offered her the bunker." Dean stared at the wall in front of him, completely frozen. He swallowed down the guilt before responding.</p><p>"It's not just Sammy's to give away". He crossed the room with his hands full of empty bottles and placed them in the bin, the bottles clinking against each other as they settled.</p><p>"You're gonna spend the rest of your life waiting for ghosts?" She breathed so quietly as if she was worried someone else might overhear.</p><p>"Ghosts are popping up all the time, Claire, they're the only thing out there that's still a guarantee". Dean replied, wiping his hands against his jeans. His right hand aching still from earlier.</p><p>"That's not what I meant". Dean nodded slowly, his lips pursed together.</p><p>"Tell you what." He leaned in and spoke into Claire's ear, "You tell Sam that I said you can have the bunker if I get his McMansion okay?" He pat her on the top of her long blonde hair and turned to leave.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A sink gets squeezed, Dean gets his step count up.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean's alarm rang out from his phone signaling that it was 5:00 am. His room was officially puke free as of 2:00ish last night when Sam and Eileen finally left after a quick, yet, sincere apology for punching Sam in the face, awkward silence, and a full hour of convincing Sam that he could be left alone. Dean rose without a second thought as he marched toward the bathroom and prepared for the day. His stomach was unsettled as he stared at himself in the mirror. He did indeed look like crap. His eyes were bloodshot with purple bags beneath them and his face was sunken and pale. While he gingerly shaved the overgrown beard, a million thoughts ran through his head that he hadn't yet really allowed himself to think about before. <em> What if this doesn't work?</em> He pondered anxiously. He knew this was the last real hope he had. His hail Mary. If it didn't work he figured he could do either one of three things,</p><p>1. He could stop answering everyone's calls, drink himself into the ground, and only leave the bunker for supplies or to gank a ghost on the rare occasion one popped up.<br/>2. He'd sell the bunker to Jody, stick around and train the girls in case any of the other things that go bump in the night finally resurfaced. He liked the idea of knowing he could feel safe having trained a younger generation of capable hunters.<br/>3. He could sell the bunker, quit The Life, finally open his own mechanic's and find some interesting enough, faceless, leggy ball-and-chain to settle down with.<br/>His stomach flipped.<em> Okay...</em> he gently allowed himself a moment. His hands gripped tightly the side of the sink.<em> What if this does work? </em>He slowly allowed himself to picture <strong>his</strong> face for a brief moment, a gentle smile on his lips, those piercing blue eyes… those eyes brimming with tears… his smile wavering as he knowingly sacrificed his life for Dean yet again... trying desperately to remain brave. <em>No. </em>He stared down into the sink only now truly seeing how desperately he held on to the edges, his knuckles white. He released his hands and watched the color return to them. <em>No need to think about what will happen if it works. </em>He decided, squinting at himself in the mirror. What were the chances anyway? He'd been praying to Jack every single night for the last five months. He knew this was a long shot. He only needed to prepare for what he'd do when this doesn't work, not what he'd do if it did.</p><p> </p><p>-----</p><p> </p><p>Before long, Dean arrived at his location. He'd been there five months ago but it felt like those months had simply been an endless dream. He half expected to see Chuck still lying there, pathetically writhing in the dust, calling out for their mercy, or to find his rotting corpse curled into a ball and shriveled up like a worm on the sidewalk. Yet, when he pulled into the area where the trees broke, there was not a person in sight. The cyprus swayed in the wind and the water glistened in the lake beside the clearing. Dean couldn't help but feel like he was being watched as he pulled the ingredients out of the trunk and scanned around again for anything at all out of the ordinary. He almost smiled as he considered that maybe this was all a big set up. It'd be just his luck if, on the day that he finally compiled everything he needed for the spell, a demon just sprang up out of nowhere and took him out. He tried to ignore the feeling of eyes on him as he worked and chalked it up to nerves. He set down the large bowl and poured in the blood-stained dirt he'd received the day before. The incantation was the hardest part to find. After weeks of tearing through the bunker, Dean had found he needed to rifle for the forgotten scrap of paper at the bottom of Sam's old duffle while he was asleep the morning Dean had slept over on his brother's couch. He added the vial of angel grace and a few other bits and pieces he remembered from last time before saying the words, taking in one last breath, and lighting the bowl on fire. A stream of excruciatingly bright blue light shot up from the bowl and into the sky. Dean shielded his eyes but as soon as the light started it had disappeared again.</p><p>Dean waited.</p><p>Nobody came.</p><p>He spun around.</p><p>Nobody.</p><p>He walked a few meters into the treeline.</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>Hell, he even checked the lake.</p><p>After an hour he sat.</p><p>He leaned his elbows on his knees and buried his head in his hands. He was exhausted. He cursed himself for letting hope creep in.</p><p>"Jack," he said gruffly. He scratched his freshly shaved face, looked up, and stared off into the distance at the now cracked bowl and empty packaging. There was a fourth option, he realized, for if He didn't show. "I'm not leaving," he declared, eyes darting around at the lack of people. "You hear me? I've got nowhere to be!" He smiled and nodded absentmindedly as his eyes started to burn. "I have nothing left..." he shook his head. He hated so much to admit it, that the tears suddenly broke free of his eyes and ran down his face. He was always so certain of himself and his role in the world and fought like hell for the freedom to choose his own life and now that he had everything he'd ever wished for he found himself feeling worse off than ever. He desperately wanted what Sam had. The certainty he exuded. He could feel his brother leaving him behind again and knew he needed to find something to grab on to. He was desperate for something, anything that felt right in this new world. The closest he'd got was his dog and fixing up cars and while that would be enough to keep him alive he knew it wouldn't ever be enough to make him happy. <em>Happy.</em> He scoffed, catching himself. He missed his family. Somewhere along the way that became what it was all about for him, keeping everyone safe, and he had failed. He didn't deserve to be happy. He was crying again, his jaw set as he desperately tried to force the noise in. It seemed the angrier he got the harder it became to keep the tears at bay. He knew he was being stupid and feeling sorry for himself. He could just imagine what his dad would make of him now. Together, it seemed, he and Sam had finally taken every single demon off the board. They'd finally created a world where nobody else needed to go through what their family went through and here he was, throwing a tantrum. He shook his head clear, took a deep breath in, and cleared his throat. He should have known better. There was no way this would work. Jack had made it clear he didn't want to be a part of their lives anymore. He was God now for christ's sake. What was Dean thinking would happen? Jack would just appear right in front of him, tell him he forgives him for making it so damn hard for Him since Mary's accident, and then ask if they could get a pizza delivered? Did he honestly believe the two of them would go back to the bunker, Jack would disappear to the bathroom only to return with Cas, and the three of them would spend the rest of their days growing old and skipping off into sunsets? Dean made his way over to the remnants of the spell and started to pack it all up into his arms. His feet felt heavy as he mentally prepared to throw the empty, useless contents into the boot of the Impala.</p><p>Dean paused. He stared at the ground unable to move. The only thought he could muster was. No. No, he couldn't move because if he moved then he would have to leave. No, he couldn't leave. No, he wasn't going to go back to the bunker alone where there are too many ghosts. No, he wasn't going to throw another tantrum. He gritted his teeth and set his jaw. No. and sat back down. He considered that his dad, the great John Winchester would remark that even this was a tantrum in itself but Dean chose to ignore his dad's ever-present voice in his head. In fact, the longer Dean sat there clutching the objects tightly in his arms, the longer his anger redirected from himself onto his father. He'd always known the man had a strange effect on the boys but even now sitting there seething in the middle of nowhere waiting for God, he was reminded of times he'd waited around for his dad. His dad who he idolized the majority of his life despite the fact that in his father's eyes he was seen as little more than a mouthy soldier. His dad, who claimed to value family so damn much that he uprooted their whole lives for their mom's vengeance, and yet somehow was able to spawn a random brother that he and Sam never got the chance to really get to know. His damned holier-than-now dad who dictated every inch of his life growing up that Dean never even considered he was worthy of-</p><p>"Dean".</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean drives,  Sam "takes the wheel".</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean's head snapped up at the familiar voice and what he saw sent a jolt so strong through him that he genuinely thought he'd been struck by lightning. After taking a mere second to catch his breath, Dean leaped up off the ground, dropped the contents of his arms, and rushed to Jack's side.</p><p>"He needs help" Jack winced, the kid was covered in black goo and was barely managing to prop Castiel's body up against him. Dean couldn't bring himself to look. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught red mixed with black as he positioned the angel's arm up over his shoulder to steady him. Bile rose up the back of Dean's throat and it took all he could manage to not spew again. Together, Jack and Dean dragged Cas' semi-lifeless figure through the dirt of the clearing and into the back of the Impala. Jack climbed in next to Cas as Dean started the engine. The Impala roared to life and the speakers blasted.</p><p>"Masquerading as a man with a reason, My charade is the event of the season, And if I claim to be a wise man, Well, it surely means that I don't know-" Dean switched off the horrible cover song and sped off down the road that led through the woods.</p><p>Dean looked back at Jack in the rearview mirror, his mouth agape, barely able to comprehend what was happening. He had a million questions. He wanted to scream at the boy, he… he…?</p><p>"If Cas' dying then why the hell'd you bring him out to the middle of nowhere?" Dean blurted. Jack tore his eyes off his substitute father to meet Dean's eyes in the mirror.</p><p>"I, uhh… I'm weak" he looked back down at Cas before continuing, worried that if he moved his eyes away, by the time he looked back, Castiel's condition would have worsened but also because he was so nervous to see Dean's reaction to the next words he uttered. "I gave Amara God's power".</p><p>"You what!?" Jack continued to keep his eyes pinned to Cas, his blue eyes wide with worry. "Please tell me that's a really bad joke. You can't trust her, man!" Dean sighed. He was so tired. It had been one of the longest days of his life and it was still only early. He rubbed his brow, he could feel a tension headache setting in.</p><p>"I <em>was</em> her, Dean..." Dean squinted at the road, trying to comprehend. "The darkness… I know she only wants what's best for her and darkness can't exist without the light".</p><p>"So what, you're just a regular old angel half-breed again?" Dean asked his eyes firmly pinned to the bitumen as he grabbed a phone from the glove box and tossed it at Jack.</p><p>"Yes, but I'm injured. It took everything I had to get Castiel out of the Empty."</p><p>"Call Sam and get him to meet us at the bunker" Dean fidgeted in his seat propping himself up on one leg trying to gain enough height to see into the back seat through the mirror.</p><p>"He's okay, Dean," Jack said, bringing the phone up to his ear. "I used what little juice I had left to heal his major wounds as soon as we arrived back on Earth". Dean couldn't help but press his foot down on the accelerator anyway as Sam's muffled voice seeped out of the phone.</p><p>"Dean?"</p><p>"Hello Sam, this is Jack," He piped pleasantly as if there had been as little as a day since they'd last talked and he was merely calling to catch up. Dean smiled and shook his head as his hands gripped the wheel tighter as if the tension in his hands could somehow make the car go faster.</p><p> </p><p>-----</p><p> </p><p>Sam was waiting by the front door of the Bunker when he saw the Impala pull in. He could make out the three figures inside as the engine rolled to a stop and the familiar creak and slam of the car doors filled the morning air. The ground was still wet, it had rained overnight and the mud clung to the grooves of Sam's boots. He tried to walk over to the car as quickly as he could without slipping. He slid into the back tire and gently eased Jack out of the way, giving him a small, awkward smile, while taking Castiel's arm and lifting him up out of the back seat. Castiel looked horrible. Black leaked from his eyes, nose, mouth, and ears. His clothes were shredded in conjunction with the long, deep cuts into his body. Dean stood beside his brother ready to balance the man between the two of them. Not a word was spoken as the two brothers sandwiched the unconscious angel and pulled him in through the main entrance, Jack in toe, brow furrowed with worry. The boys took Cas into a room by the entry that they had dubbed the "infirmary" and placed him gently down on the cot. The room had mainly been used in the past for patching up small injuries they'd earned while out on a job so that they didn't track blood through the rest of the bunker. "A contained mess". Sam had once called it. Dean didn't mind the idea. He'd dragged in a minifridge to stock with saline, O negative, and whisky, and over the years the brothers continued to slowly add to the place until it became their own little emergency room.</p><p>Sam didn't know what to say. He stared at his brother staring at Castiel. Dean looked pale. He looked like he was gonna hurl again, Sam noted and wondered if he should get the bedpan out from under the bed.</p><p>"Uhh," Sam huffed, trying to get his brother's attention. "Are you thinking an IV?" Sam asked considering the amount of blood he could see upon the trenchcoated man before him. Dean didn't respond. He just continued to take in the man lying on the bed. "Dean?" Sam pressed gently. If things were as bad as Jack had said he wondered why his brother wasn't springing into action. It wasn't like Dean to freeze under pressure.</p><p>"I think you should try that," Jack said standing in the doorway awkwardly. He looked horrible too, Sam noted. He walked over to the minifridge and crouched all the way down to retrieve a pouch of saline. He kept his eyes on his brother as he hooked the IV up to the broken stand that Dean had once fixed by welding it to a metal coat hanger. Dean still hadn't moved. Sam saw that his brother's face had become more frantic as his eyes roamed over the deep gashes over Cas' body.</p><p>"Jack, uhh, can you hand me the alcohol, needle, and thread?" Jack crossed the room to retrieve the alcohol from the minifridge and the needle and thread from the medical tray behind Dean and passed them to Sam. Tears sprung from Dean's eyes and landed on Cas' torso. Dean shut his eyes tight and gathered himself.</p><p>"Fix him" He barked at his younger brother, making sure he made direct eye contact with him. He nodded to himself and licked his bottom lip absentmindedly before wiping his eyes and trudging out of the room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jack and Dean sort some stuff out.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean strode into the hallway and let out the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. He ran his hands through his hair and leaned against the wall feeling his legs give way. He shook his head, trying to clear it, and ran his hand across his cleanly shaved face. His knuckles ached still from punching his brother the day before. <em>God, was that yesterday</em>? <em>It felt like a month ago</em>, Dean noted. He slid down against the wall and stretched his legs out. He stared at the tiled wall opposite him. It seemed his head was suddenly completely empty. <em>What am I doing out here?</em> He pondered. Nothing came to mind. He continued to blankly stare. <em>Come on, Dean, pull it together,</em> He urged himself and tore his unfocusing eyes down to his hands. He noticed that they were bloodstained and shaking. He also noticed that his heart seemed to have suddenly rivaled the sound of bass seeping out onto the street from a nightclub. He couldn't feel anything at all.</p><p>"Dean, are you okay?" Dean looked up at Jack but felt like there was an invisible barrier between them. He opened his mouth to reply, then closed it again as he looked around searching for the words. None came and yet he found himself sitting there repeating the process, opening his mouth, looking around, and closing it again. "Cas will be okay," Jack said, reassuringly. "Sam's stitching him up now". Dean's stomach flipped. He stared down at his legs, seeing the deep wounds oozing black muck and blood. He swallowed and slowly looked back up at the boy standing over him, the barrier between them, now gone. Jack had always been a pale kid but covered in Cas' blood and the black gunk from the Empty highlighted the current contrasting greyness of his skin. For once, Dean surmised, he truly looked his age. Not physically, exactly, but deep within his eyes he no longer looked like a perplexing, enigmatic being and was merely a three-year-old boy way, way out of his depth. Dean slowly stood back up, the fog had lifted from his brain as if a switch had been flicked. He traipsed over to the child and enveloped him in his arms, resting his chin on the top of his head. He sighed and closed his eyes, taking in the reality of the moment. He tried desperately to grasp at one of the many questions that he wanted to ask, to choose which one to ask him first.</p><p>"God, I missed you". He blurted out squeezing his arms a little tighter around the small boy.</p><p>"I missed you too, Dean." Jack laughed. The sound bounced off the walls and echoed through the hallway. Dean slapped him on the back and took a deep breath in before breaking away from the hug, grabbing him by the shoulders, and looking him in his eyes.</p><p>"You planning on ditching again soon?" He asked, "'Cause I'll chain you up in the basement if that's what it takes to get facetime with you now'days, kid". He squeezed Jack's shoulders before letting go.</p><p>"Sorry", Jack began. He looked exhausted. "I didn't realize how hard it would be… rescuing Cas" He clarified. Dean nodded. "When I heard your first prayer, I wasn't really sure what to do. God doesn't have any power in the Empty so I couldn't really "Make things right"" he explained, quoting Dean back to him. "I wanted to help, after everything with Mary…" He trailed off. Dean shook his head and was about to interject. "I visited her in heaven". He stated. Dean was taken off guard, his mouth physically agape. "She invited me in and made me breakfast." he smiled fondly. "I told her everything that had happened since she died and asked her if she would like to come back to Earth but she had said that she thought it was time she stayed there." Dean's heart plummeted but he tried to not be consumed by the rejection. Jack continued. "I needed to make amends for what I had done, though. So I fixed heaven," Jack said matter of factly.</p><p>"What do you mean, you 'fixed' it". Dean was hesitant. He searched Jack's face. He knew Jack had a history of trying to help out and botching it. Despite the kid's good intentions, he had a knack for making a mess.</p><p>"It's like Facebook now," Jack said grinning. Dean's eyes narrowed incredulously urging further explanation. "You can invite your friends," He explained as if that somehow made it all clear. Dean licked his lips a little impatiently and raised his brow. Jack realized he needed to start at the beginning "Heaven's like earth now. You can live there and choose who shares your heaven with you. No more memories or anything, if you don't want. You can visit each other's houses to eat or play boardgames… whatever you want" Dean's eyebrows shot up, he was impressed. A smile spread over his face and he nodded with enthusiasm.</p><p>"Not bad, kid."</p><p>"Thanks" Jack grinned. "You're mom and dad live together... just down the road from your brother Adam." He stated. Dean's heart grew warm. Jack was enjoying making the smile on Dean's face grow with each bit of new information he shared. "And Bobby and Ellen live together down the road from… Rufus?... and they all say "Hi" and say…" Jack looked off to the side trying to remember. "They "don't want to see you anytime soon but when you do bite it they'll have a bottle of the expensive stuff waiting at the roadhouse for you"". Jack nodded, happy with himself.</p><p>"Well, I'll be". Dean couldn't help the grin that was now plastered to his face.</p><p>"Oh, and a man named Kevin said 'Hi' and thanked you for helping him get to heaven." Dean nodded.</p><p>"I, uhh, I think that one's mainly on you, actually." He stated, hitting Jack in the shoulder and remembering that Kevin was otherwise doomed to wander the earth as a ghost forever. "That was one of the things on the list we gave you when you... uhh" <em>when he was literally God</em>… Dean found it hard to even think about it now, looking at the exhausted, lanky child before him.</p><p>"Infinity Gauntlet-ed everything?" He asked with an enthusiasm that reminded Dean of Miracle. He could almost visualize Jack's big golden tail wagging.</p><p>"Yeah. You finger-snapped Keven's soul up to the pearly gates." Dean nodded.</p><p>"Oh." Jack grinned, happy to have helped. He rubbed his eyes.</p><p>"How are you doing, Jack?" Dean asked a little hesitantly. Jack tried to flash a reassuring smile at the man but he was so tired that he only bared his teeth at him pitifully.</p><p>"I'm okay." He was exhausted but desperately wanted to explain everything to Dean before hitting the showers and taking a much-needed nap.</p><p>"Look, about how I said you weren't family..." Dean began.</p><p>"It's okay. I get it." And he honestly did. Castiel was his family. He would always have him and for that he was grateful. Dean and Sam, maybe once they were close to him but there's no coming back from manslaughter no righting that wrong-</p><p>"No, man. I shouldn't have said it. Sure, everything that went down, that all still went down... but after everything we've been through… Not even a damn postcard..." he sighed and shook his head. "I never wanted to drive you away" Dean avoided looking at him, his eyes trained to his feet.</p><p>"When I left. I truly did leave because I thought it was the right thing… not because of you, Dean." Dean's eyes rose to meet him. Jack studied his face noticing the confusion. "I'm not mad or upset at you…" He began. Dean's face, Jack noted, flashed ever so quickly, the most shocked look he had ever seen on the man, before immediately changing to that of relief, and finally settling on his usual stoic mask. Jack sighed. He had learned a lot from his time with God's power. "I only feel love for you, Dean" he declared, his tone confident and yet, full of concern. Dean swallowed hard before enveloping the child in another hug.</p><p>"I love you too, Jack." He held him for a while basking in how much lighter and calmer he felt now that things had been set right. When he was ready, he pat Jack on the back and pulled away, smiling gently at him. Looking at the boy in front of him he was forced to see the pure exhaustion on his face and decided to quickly swing the conversation back to business. "So, how'd you Oceans Cas' ass out of the Empty, anyway? Hand Amara the keys to the kingdom in order to gain a backstage pass... then what?" Dean asked, his voice gruff. Jack sighed and rubbed his eyes again. He was so incredibly grateful for Dean's forgiveness. He imagined that he'd finally be able to rest without the added guilt that usually sat atop his own. With time maybe, just maybe, he'd finally be able to forgive himself.</p><p>"First, I made a deal with Amara... It was pretty easy to convince the Shadow I was dead." Jack started. "It had wanted my soul ever since I woke it up, so, after stopping my heart with help from some narcotics, I woke up in the Empty." He smiled gently at Dean's worried face, "I had learned The Shadows weakness during my time with God's power so when I finally arrived... I went looking around, until I found, and woke up, Crowley." Dean wasn't expecting that.</p><p>"Crowley?" he questioned. "Crowley, was in the empty?"</p><p>"Yes, Dean. He was asleep…" Jack remembered "I first had to steal Death's ring to get him out... but once I had explained everything to Crowley, he was willing to help be a part of my plan." Dean definitely wasn't keeping up with Jack's story but he waited patiently for the puzzle pieces to all fit together. "I was administered an adrenaline shot to bring me back and with Crowley as the new Death, we could create a door to take Castiel out of there." Dean still wasn't following, his eyes darted around quizzically. "So when we returned to the Empty, We woke up Lucifer and Castiel and the four of us took on the Shadow. We used Death's scythe which we found a spell to upgrade with a portion of God's light, Amaras Darkness, the essence of a demon, and some archangel grace." Jack's eyes glazed over, as his mind returned to his memory. "It was a really bad fight... but we all managed to get out alive." Dean almost choked on his gasp.</p><p>"You freed... Lucifer... from the Empty? Lucifer!?"</p><p>"No, Dean." Jack lay his hand on Dean's arm reassuringly. "Lucifer presides over the Empty now. He has taken the place of the Shadow after we killed it."</p><p>"So, let me see if I got this right." Dean began. "Crowley is now Death... and Lucifer is who's taking care of all angels and demons when they get ganked? Lucifer as in<em> the Lucifer</em>"</p><p>"I'm not saying I've forgiven him... or trust him or anything, Dean... but if anyone understood what it was like to be written as a villain into God's story-"</p><p>"He killed an uncountable amount of people, was willing to burn the whole planet to the ground, He <em>tortured</em> Sam; made his life a living hell, literally". Dean breathed. "And now you're telling me that he's the guy who's gonna be tucking you into bed at night when you die… and you're cool with that?"</p><p>"He's my father, Dean." for the first time during the conversation he avoided Dean's eyes. "He can't leave the Empty... and besides… he needs purpose." He looked back at Dean imploring him to understand "He created demons... and he <em>is</em> an angel… I think- I think this will be good for him… for everyone".</p><p>"Okay, say for argument's sake, I agree with this, then what? Hell, where does a Shadow even go when it croaks?" Dean asked, scratching his face, fidgeting.</p><p>"They're still there," Jack explained. "They're just asleep now. They have no power over that realm anymore". Dean shook his head. He'd have to just accept what Jack was saying. It was a lot to take in and he resolved to have to table all of the new information he'd learned, hoping that maybe Jack was right and everything would remain stable...<em> Maybe Jack <strong>was</strong> right,</em> Dean processed, <em>after all, he had literally been God... God sees and knows all.</em> Maybe Jack saw and knew how to magically fix the system.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>all of my "chapters" will be "chapters" from now on even if they're short as hell.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A whisky bottle gets whiplash.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sam waited, the door ajar, until he could no longer hear the voices reverbing down the corridor. He gave his handiwork another once over before deciding he was satisfied that he had done everything possible for Castiel’s recovery. The rest was up to the angel himself... he would need to heal from the inside. Sam took the remnants of the bottle of whiskey and made his way down the hall to where his brother sat, alcohol audibly swishing in the bottle as he walked. He groaned a little as he sat down beside his brother and handed him the bottle. </p><p>“Thanks”. Said Dean, unscrewing the cap and throwing back a large gulp.</p><p>“Yeah.” Sam assured, “D‘Jack go to bed?” Dean nodded. “Good. He looked awful”. Sam declared, before clearing his throat. He was cautious as he continued. “Cas’ all patched up and should be fine now.” he took the bottle back from his brother and took a shot, gently exhaling at the resulting burn in his throat as it made his way up his now bruised nose. “It’s not like he hasn’t been through worse.” Dean nodded absentmindedly. His brother handed the bottle to him again and he took another swig before passing it back. “You gonna go take the first watch or should I?” Dean considered for a moment. A million thoughts ran through his head.</p><p>“I... uhh” Dean began smiling unamused. “I’m sorry I choked in there, man.” He wiped his hands over his brows slowly, rested his fingers on his temples for a moment, took a deep breath, and continued, looking at his brother. “I’m sorry for everything lately.” Sam’s mouth formed a thin line as he handed his brother the bottle again. Dean gently pushed it back this time. “Look, Sam, there’s something I never told you”. He stated, blinking up at his brother. He inhaled. “When Cas summoned the Empty… to do it… the deal was, he had to find true happiness” Dean watched as his brother's brow furrowed in confusion. He nodded, tongue against his teeth, and scanned around, choosing which words to use before continuing. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest as he explained “He, uhh, he said it was something he figured he could never have...” he took the whisky bottle from his brother. “He said that he loves me” He trained his eyes on the bottle, before quickly bringing it to his lips and downing a long drink. Sam studied his brother, understanding the gravity of the words. After not immediately receiving a response, Dean raised his eyes and looked at his brother expectantly. Sam’s face didn’t seem shocked, or confused, or disgusted, or even full of pity, like Dean had feared, instead, he just sat there waiting for his brother to continue. “What?” Dean asked.</p><p>“What, What?” Sam scoffed.</p><p>“Come on, man. I’m trying to unload here and you’re choosing now to button up?” He handed the bottle back to him. </p><p>“Well, what do you want me to say, Dean”. Sam was puzzled. </p><p>“I don’t know, dude, something! I just told you Castiel... our Cas; a <em>freakin'</em> <em>angel</em>, has a heart on for me... and you don’t even bat an eye?” Sam smiled. </p><p>“Well, what about, er,” He took a moment to remember “Anna. The two of you, uhh... had relations...” He noted. Dean looked at him as if he was speaking a foreign language.</p><p>“Your point?” he squinted.</p><p>“She was an angel and she seemed to... have feelings... for you”. Dean was baffled.</p><p>“We're talking about Cas here. As in <em> Cas</em>, Sam.” Sam left out a single chuckle. </p><p>“Yeah, and?” Dean’s face was bewildered.</p><p>“And... it’s Cas!”. He exclaimed. A smile spread across Dean’s face as he shook his head. Sam took another sip of the whisky. </p><p>“I don’t know how to--- uhh... it's just that…” Sam began to broach the subject, “This can’t exactly have been that much of a shock to you, can it?” Dean looked at his brother completely bewildered. Sam nodded and continued. “I don’t know, Dean. I feel like he’d do anything for you, he’s been pretty upfront about his whole…” Sam tried to find the right words, eager to avoid the use of the term ‘heart on’, “Uhh, infatuation... with you.” Dean scoffed.</p><p>“Yeah, sure! He’s been passing me little love notes with hearts in the margins.” His voice dripped with sarcasm. “Come on, man! Don’t act like you knew.” Sam weighed up his brother’s words.</p><p>“Maybe you just didn’t want to see it? Or, er... you weren’t ready to... ” Dean stared at the bottle in between the two of them, biting his lip. Sam studied his older brother. The two of them sat in silence for a moment, the quiet containing the ultimate unbreached subject. “So... you gonna avoid him now after spending months trying to get him back?” Sam questioned. </p><p>“What? No,” Dean objected, looking offended. “I just, uh” he laughed humorlessly “Man, I have no idea what I’m gonna say to him when he wakes up”. Sam smiled knowingly and pat his brother on the leg before pulling himself up to his feet.</p><p>“Yeah, I'm sure you’ll figure it out,” he stated, groaning as he stretched. Dean looked up at him, his brow low, full of confusion and concern. “I’m gonna take my old bed. You’ve got the first shift.” Sam left knowing he’d done his part; said all he can without pushing his brother or upsetting him. He turned and called back at him from the end of the hall, smiling warmly. “Make sure he doesn't rip his stitches in his sleep.” Dean watched his brother as he rounded the corner, staring after him, unseeing. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A single shoe holds the power to keep an angel warm.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's the big one boys.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean sat watching Castiel's bare chest rise and fall. Sam had cleaned the wounds and dressed them so Cas now looked as if his torso was 60% cotton dressing. Sam also seemed to have cleaned off all of the black goo that had oozed from Cas' face. While sitting mere feet from the angel, Dean tried to mentally prepare for what he would say to him when he woke. His mind raced as he tried to grasp anything of use. He decided that the events of the day mixed with the whiskey he'd just downed had left him unable to come up with anything of value.</p><p>He closed his eyes and leaned back in the chair, rubbing his hand over his temples, elbow in the air. He was anxious. He was so damn anxious and he desperately didn't want Castiel to see that. His eyes still closed, he imagined a scenario in which he'd breach the last time they talked. <em>"Hey..."</em> he'd start by saying. <em>No… That's ridiculous</em>. Besides, He didn't want to bombard him. He wouldn't bring it up, he decided. He nodded to himself in annoyance and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. <em>If Cas brings it up though.</em> He sat back up straight as his chest grew warm. Dean avoided looking at the man in the bed. He sniffed and scratched his nose. He trained his eyes to Cas' chest again and bounced his leg while he licked his lips absentmindedly. <em>If Cas does bring it up,</em> Dean decided,<em> I'll say something like-</em> his stomach did a backflip, and he grit his teeth, unable to continue his thought experiment. <em>Damn it, Cas.</em> he thought, <em>Why'd you have to…</em> Dean sighed, finally looking at the angel's unmoving face. He wished he'd just wake up already so he could have this all over and done with. Years of them both dying and being brought back had made the whole concept of death seem more of an inconvenience to Dean now that he could see him in front of him again. Dean noticed that one of Castiel's shoes was missing and got up to take the other off. He gently pulled the brown leather shoe off the angel's black woolen-sock-clad foot and placed it against the concrete floor at his feet. He absentmindedly scratched his face as he then found himself worrying because it was cold in the infirmary, maybe that one shoe had been the thing keeping him warm. He hastily left the room and walked down the hallway. He jogged down the stairs and through the halls, to Cas' bedroom where he fumbled to retrieve his blanket as quickly as possible. He ran back up the stairs two at a time, while he attempted to fold the brown blanket. He was maybe gone two minutes tops, he thought, as he turned the corner back into the infirmary.</p><p>Castiel was sitting upright in bed, pulling down what remained of his white tatted shirt as Dean entered. The two men stared at each other, stopping dead in their tracks. Dean's eyes frantically searched the angel's face while he stood there in the doorway, completely taken off guard. Cas stared at him silently, his blue eyes not revealing a single thought, exposing nothing to Dean as to where he should begin.</p><p>"You're awake," Dean said, stating the obvious, completely dumbfounded. Castiel nodded slowly and stiffly. Dean very hesitantly walked toward the bed in a daze. "Got you this." He said, presenting the blanket at Cas' feet. He internally cursed himself as he reminded himself of Miracle returning a ball when the two of them played fetch.</p><p>"Thank you." Cas took the blanket and placed it over himself, his face remained completely void of any emotion. "I'd hoped you were turning in for the night, so I could leave," Cas said, now avoiding eye contact. "...I didn't want things to be awkward". Dean was taken aback. He raised his eyebrows, and while finally accepting the reality before him and leaving his daze, closed the small space between the end of the bed where he stood, to the chair, before plonking himself down. Castiel looked at him cautiously and inquisitively.</p><p>"So..." Dean squinted and straightened his legs out between them, his feet under the bed, lining up with Cas' thighs, "how long were you lying there pretending to be asleep?" He asked, tilting his head. Cas' eyes finally reached Dean's.</p><p>"Dean..." He began, trailing off. Dean shook his head incredulously. Realizing Cas wouldn't continue, he sighed.</p><p>"You look like you just went ten rounds with Jaws, by the way." Castiel's mouth tightened but he remained silent. Dean nodded to himself and let out a single humorless chuckle.<em> "the one thing I want... it's something I know I can't have."</em> Dean considered these words while he sat there staring at his best friend, his brow low as his eyes searched for any hidden communication from the angel that would suddenly make things clear; that would tell him this was all a huge misunderstanding. Dean opened his mouth to speak before coming up empty and closing it again. Cas simply sat there avoiding eye contact, his brows furrowed as he stole glances every now and again, then tore his eyes away awkwardly.</p><p>"I told you-"</p><p>"Cas-" Both finally decided to break the silence, the men ended up speaking over each other then suddenly, barring a dreary chuckle from Dean, they were quiet again. Cas went back to averting his gaze as he audibly swallowed. "You go," Dean said, slowly blinking at him.</p><p>"Oh, um, I was just going to say… I told you it would be awkward". Suddenly, Dean found himself moving to sit on the edge of the bed. The whole cot rose around him as he sat, his body turned towards Castiel. The angel looked dejected as he sighed. The closeness seemed to have the effect of an emotional beating. He all but physically curled in on himself like an abused animal, waiting for another blow. Dean's stomach and chest ached at the sight of him. He took in every inch of Cas' face trying severely to find the words to form a sentence. One perfect sentence to explain everything he'd been through over the last six months; everything he'd thought and felt since he'd last set his eyes on his best friend.</p><p>Cas looked up again for a moment and the pair's eyes met. Dean's breath caught. Before he knew what he was doing; before he had time to stop himself, he placed one hand upon the bed and the other cradled the side of Castiel's face, and leaned himself over the injured angel, bringing his face up to Cas' and gently pressing his lips upon Castiel's. Dean's heart burned for a moment and heat ran through his body, then just as suddenly, he caught himself and pulled away awkwardly. He turned, eyes wide, and absentmindedly licked his lips. He stared at the chair in shock, refusing to meet Cas' eyes. Castiel saw his own shock mirrored on Dean's face and sat there for a moment trying to speak. His mind was racing, trying to understand. Dean, very slowly and methodically, rose up from the bed to leave without a word but Castiel leaned forward and caught his hand. The pain from his wounds jarred him into reality as he began to comprehend what had just happened.</p><p>"Wait, Dean" he croaked. His other hand pressed to a particularly large gash in his stomach. Dean swallowed and very hesitantly turned back to face Castiel, fear plastered on his face. Cas pulled Dean's arm back toward the bed. He followed obediently and sat back down, his eyes searching Castiel's face wildly. Castiel winced pulling himself up toward Dean and gingerly placed a small and gentle kiss upon his lips. The two stared at each other as Castiel slowly and carefully lay back against the pillows behind him. Dean took a deep breath in. He shook his head completely perplexed. His eyes ran over Cas as if he was trying to commit this moment to memory, in case it was all just a dream. He maneuvered himself with one knee on the bed and gently cradled Cas' cheek in his hand, before placing his lips on Cas' again, more certain this time. Dean's body came alive as the two kissed, their mouths moving together. After a time, Cas' lips became thinner as he smiled, causing Dean to break into a smile of his own. They both continued to press their mouths together kissing each other's smiles before eventually giving up. Cas laughed as he pulled away and Dean chuckled, his eyes crinkling. He shook his head, amazed, before finally realizing he had found the words that were there all along.</p><p>"I love you, too, man". He stated confidently, beaming.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The impala is full.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Two Years Later.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Castiel sat in a black suit, in the driver's seat of the Impala, the engine purring as he and Jack waited for Sam and Dean. Jack, now six years old, sat in the passenger seat and was finishing off the paperwork on an assignment for his internship.</p><p>"How do you spell... enema," he asked. Cas' eyes narrowed incredulously and his mouth slowly parted before responding.</p><p>"Can't you finish that another time?" he leaned over and opened the glove box and Jack obediently placed the clipboard and pen inside before closing the compartment again. He sighed and looked out his window, toward Sam's house.</p><p>"What's taking them so long?" he inquired, looking back at his father with innocent confusion.</p><p>"I imagine that they had a lot to drink last night," Cas stated, switching on the radio. An advertisement for a local storage facility exploded through the speakers.</p><p>"<strong>-You have it, we cache it! Come by our all-new depo today!" </strong>Jack sighed again.</p><p>"You're being impatient," Castiel noted as he searched through the channels on the radio trying to find something he thought might interest Jack.</p><p>"It's hot," Jack complained, turning on the air conditioning and fiddling with the buttons on the front of his jacket, attempting to remove it with his seatbelt still on. Castiel pressed the buckle on Jack's belt to release it.</p><p>"It is". Cas stated matter of factly. Jack stopped for a moment, considering Castiel's words before responding.</p><p>"Is it hotter for you?" He looked up at his father before easily removing his jacket now. Castiel contemplated the question for a moment.</p><p>"I don't know." Castiel looked deep into his son's eyes.</p><p>"Do you miss it... your grace?" Jack asked while adjusting the cool air towards both his face and Castiel's. Castiel considered his query.</p><p>"It was… convenient... not necessary." he weighed.</p><p>"I'm thinking I might do it," Jack said, turning back to look at the house as the Winchester brothers made their way outside and toward the car, their laughs muffled as they playfully tried to trip each other as they walked. A smile tugged at the corner of Castiel's lips.</p><p>"Not until you're twenty-one" Castiel demanded changing the radio back to the local Rock station.</p><p>Sam grunted as he heaved his body into the back seat. Both he and Dean wore black suits that had been perfectly tailored to their bodies a few months prior. Dean sat behind his Castiel and squeezed his shoulder as he shut the car door behind him. Jack turned around in his seat and beamed at the brothers as they started up at the prospect of seeing the boy for the first time since he'd impressed the big wigs at his internship and started tagging along on fieldwork.</p><p>"Jack, Hey!" Sam greeted him by gripping his arm.</p><p>"Hey, buddy! How's Quantico?"</p><p>"It's really great," Jack announced. "It is hard to see all that pain... but it helps to know I'm making a difference." he sighed. "I'm sorry I couldn't make it last night", His tone somber. Cas placed his hand on the back of Jack's seat and turned to look out the back window, sparing a quick look at his husband. He and Dean locked eyes for a moment and an amorous smirk rose up on Dean's face.</p><p>"Hey, no worries, man. I'm just glad you're here now", Sam stated earnestly and flashing him a small smile.</p><p>"What did you guys get up to yesterday after I left?" Castiel asked, pulling out of the driveway and onto the road.</p><p>"Well that depends...", Dean began, convincingly "I can't remember, did you and Garth leave before or after the strippers?" Cas' mouth formed a thin line as he tried not to react. Sam, noticing this gesture couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. Cas looked at his brother-in-law through the rearview mirror.</p><p>"Oh. Yeah, very funny" He said with sarcasm while shaking his head at the now building laughter from the back of the car.</p><p>"No, really, Cas. You'd have loved her. Blonde, legs for days, ass you could bounce a whole wallet off." Dean lied, animatedly. He licked his lips and smiled to himself proudly.</p><p>"Give it a rest, Dean". Cas sighed, trying to hide his own smile.</p><p>"Honestly, it was a pretty quiet night," Sam said nodding at Cas in the mirror. "Neither of us are as young as we used to be so we just had a couple of beers and ended up talking about old cases."</p><p>"Reliving the glory days." Dean chimed in.</p><p>"I don't know" Jack interjected "I feel like I prefer how things are now, in comparison to how it used to be".</p><p>"You and me both, kid" Dean replied, sincerely. "It's just an expression."</p><p>"Did you guys hear about the vampire nest Kaia and Claire took out?" Jack asked the group. Dean nodded.</p><p>"Yeah," Cas replied solemnly.</p><p>"It's crazy," Sam stated.</p><p>"I guess it was always gonna start back up at some point" Dean began, shaking his head. "Some leftover vamp or werewolf from the uhhh... " he narrowed his eyes in thought "Thanos... Snap... falls off the ledge and turns someone… who kills someone else…" The car fell silent for a moment. The air was suddenly morose.</p><p>"We're out now… they don't need us," Sam stated, almost as if he needed a reminder himself.</p><p>"Damn, right!" Dean agreed, his smile slowly faded and his eyes glazed over as his mind raced through a montage of the many times he'd died, imagining himself replaced by Kaia or Claire or any of the newer generation of hunters. He just hoped that he had taught them all he could.</p><p>"You still teaching your Hacking... class... thing at the bunker these days, Mr. Robot?" Sam made a face at the reference.</p><p>"I'm still teaching I.T. once a month," He corrected. Dean nodded. He hoped that their combined knowledge would be enough to keep the kids safe if the bad guys started appearing again. He made a mental note to check in with all the hunters this evening, see if everyone seemed up to scratch, and ask if he could help out in any way. Dean was miles away when Jack spoke up again, stopping his thoughts.</p><p>"Cas thought you'd be hungover this morning" Jack piped. Dean snapped back to reality. He looked at the three other men in the car, confused for a moment.</p><p>"Did he now?... That's funny 'cause Cas knows my Shrink says drinking is an "unhealthy coping mechanism,"" he began, grinning smugly "And I'm so well adjusted now'days, and so in touch with my emotions, that I'm basically Gandhi." He professed, scratching his face. "Besides, I haven't really wanted to drink since we opened the bar. Watching all the barflies three-sheets-to-the-wind themselves every night gives me PTSD" he joked, brows raised and a smile. Sam pursed his lips at the flippant use of the term before continuing.</p><p>"We only had, uhh" He tried to remember "the two six-packs between us, I think".</p><p>"Yeah" Dean nodded.</p><p>"And it was a long day," Sam added.</p><p>"It's okay. You don't have to prove anything to me." Cas stated, eyes trained out the front window.</p><p>"Yeah? Well, I want to," Dean affirmed, playfully patting the top of the dark-haired man in front of him. Cas smiled.</p><p>"So, no strippers? Just campfire stories?" He asked, picturing the boys lazing around on the couch laughing at wild, dangerous tales from their previous life.</p><p>"Nah, I just wanted to do something small and tame". Sam reassured him.</p><p>"I don't know, Samuel, I don't think I'd call naked twister with those prostitutes 'small' <em>or</em> 'tame'." Dean beamed leaning into his brother trying to position himself to see Cas' face in the mirror, as Cas simply shook his head. He turned up the radio as Peace Train by Cat Stevens began to play.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Some rose petals get squished.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sam was nervous as he adjusted his tie in the bathroom mirror. There was a gentle humming of chatter audible down the hall through the brick walls of the church bathroom. He sighed and smiled at Dean’s raised eyebrows behind him in the reflection.</p><p>“You better not be getting cold feet… I don't want to have to disown you.” Dean declared. Sam rolled his eyes at his brother, scoffed, and turned around.</p><p>“No, man,” he thought for a moment. “It’s, uh, It’s almost the exact opposite” he sighed and shook his head “I just feel like I want to really remember this, ya know? Every single moment, I mean.” </p><p>“Hey, I get it.” Dean smiled at him. Sam cocked his head to the side as he narrowed his eyes.</p><p>“Do you? I mean I’m sure the Elvis impersonator that officiated for you and Cas was great company and all but---”</p><p>“Ugh, again with this” Dean interrupted, he threw his arms up exacerbated. “Come on, man.” he sighed and leaned his back gently against the brick wall behind him, careful not to mess up his suit. “I told you we didn’t wanna have some big dog-and-pony show.” He continued, his voice gentle now, as he saw his brother's rejected expression. “Look, I’m sorry, okay?” He swallowed and scratched his face before continuing “With everything Cas and I went through over the years... like I said, as soon as we left the bunker and hit the road,” he shrugged “we didn’t want to burn any more daylight.” Sam nodded, solemnly.</p><p>“I just wish I could have been there.” he sighed. “You're my brother, Dean, it would have been nice to be there to celebrate with you,” Dean smirked.</p><p>“Trust me, you didn’t miss anything. We forked out for room service and an expensive bottle of champagne, Cas got wasted on two glasses like a freakin' cheerleader on prom night, and passed out.” He grinned remembering fondly.  </p><p>“Still… I feel like it’s a huge life event that I missed out on”. Dean rolled his eyes and took his phone from his jacket pocket. </p><p>“If I show you some pictures, will you shut up about this?” Sam moved to stand beside his brother eagerly as the Dean scrolled through the many pictures on his phone. Images flew by of beaches and cities he and Castiel had visited together, Jack and Castiel in a diner up in Virginia when they’d dropped by to visit, group photos of people eating, reading, laughing and sparing, bunker walls visible in the background. He stopped and clicked when he came to an image of Castiel dressed in a tuxedo, beaming at the camera, his arm wrapped around an unrecognizable old man in a Hawaiian shirt, holding a bunch of papers and looking disinterested. </p><p>He swiped and the image changed to a picture almost identical to the previous one but now with the addition of Dean’s head in the corner, a goofy smile plastered on his face. He swiped across again, an image of the back of Dean’s head as he presumably kissed his new husband on the mouth. Another swipe, the two men’s hands side by side, revealing matching gold bands. A final swipe, Cas, still in his tuxedo, tie missing, top buttons undone, curled in a fetal position, eyes closed, mouth agape, atop purple cheetah print satin sheets. Sam chuckled, shaking his head.</p><p>“Happy?”</p><p>“Yeah... That guy looked real enthusiastic about his job”. Dean snickered, nodding in agreement.</p><p>“Yeah, barrel of laughs, that guy. Who knew getting people hitched could be such a depressing gig.” Sam shrugged and his smile faded again.</p><p>“I’m always gonna be a little pissed I missed it” Sam sighed. </p><p>“Hey, if all goes well today and not like a Red-Wedding-level shitshow, you might just convince me to renew our vows in a few years just to get you off my back”. Sam sighed audibly and went back to adjusting his tie in the mirror</p><p>“Yeah," Sam huffed, "that’d be just our luck.” he declared. Dean shook his head at his younger brother in the mirror. He counted on his fingers.</p><p>“You’ve got a family of werewolves, a tea-drinking assassin, some hunters from an apocalypse dimension, a reanimated tree girl and her warlock brother,” Each time dean added to the list he raised another finger “an ex angel, the queen of hell, a Nephilim nephew that had a small stint playing god, and freakin’ Death on your side of the church pew…" Dean smiled and licked his lips, "not to mention, a giant fairy as your best man...” Proud of his joke he waited to receive the laughter he deserved “...A <em> giant fairy </em>…” Sam huffed and pursed his lips. Dean rolled his eyes and continued “Honestly, Sammy, I’m more worried about the mess you and Eileen's new lawyer buddies are gonna get up to.” Dean stated, raising his brows, mocking his younger brother. </p><p>“You’re just mad because Mike beat your ass at pool six games in a row.” </p><p>“I’m still convinced that douche was packing a hex bag or something. There’s no way anyone could down that many shots and then still hand me my own ass.” A laugh exploded from Sam as he turned to his brother again.</p><p>“You're just rusty now that you're on the other side of the bar!” he scoffed “You should have just taken the first loss.”</p><p>“No way, man! I have my reputation to protect” The two brothers grinned at each other as the door swung open.</p><p>“Sam, they’re ready for you, now” Cas stated warmly. Dean slapped his brother on the back.</p><p>"You ready for happily ever after?" He asked, pointing at his brother, before turning to Castiel and lazily bumping his shoulder against the former angel’s. Cas chuckled as his hand reached Dean’s and the two strode from the bathroom. Dean waited, holding Cas’ hand in one hand and the other held the bathroom door open for his younger brother. Sam's smile grew as he watched the two of them. He <em> was </em> ready, he noted, and followed them out of the door into the hallway, through the crowd of seated friends and family, before finally taking his place by his brother at the end of the aisle, in front of the altar. </p><p>The church they had chosen, he had frequently visited since Jack first took over as The Big Man. The building was large and modern. There were no stained glass windows, no pictures of Jesus, no angel statues, nothing but the cushioned wooden pews, wide open space, and a big wooden cross at the center of the wall behind the glass pulpit. Sam liked going to church, he had found. It was a way to deal with all of the crazy he’d gone through over the years. Hearing the stories of real people going through horrible things all for the entertainment of a sadistic God, he could relate. He’d even spent time outside of the church, hanging out with the pastor. They’d discuss God as a flawed retributionist entity and Sam loved that. He loved that he could still keep his faith but was able to feel validated about his mixed feelings. He recalled the time he’d invited Dean and Cas over for dinner to meet Pastor Finley; young, green-haired, non-binary, Pastor Finley. They discussed at length the trials and tribulations from each passage of the bible over drinks, dissecting the literal and figurative meanings in each story. Cas only slipped up a few times; referring to Adam in the present tense or furiously debunking Matthew 22:30. <em> “Everyone deserves to get married if they want.” </em> he’d roared. Sam recollected how the Pastor calmly, yet awkwardly tried to explain that Cas had confused his verses, Matthew 22:30 wasn't about homosexuality, and that they were all for marriage equality and <em> totally </em> agreed <em> “that everyone should be able to marry whomever they want” </em>. Dean shook his head and shrunk down in his chair, his face bright red.</p><p>Sam took a deep breath in and looked toward the double doors as the organ music started to play. The heavy wooden doors opened revealing Gerty Fitzgerald, Garth's daughter, in a light-pink, overly puffy dress. Her eyes strictly trained on the floor as she attempted to walk down the aisle in the oversized gown. She clutched an ornate gold box tight to her chest and occasionally threw clumps of what was once white rose petals, from her tightly fisted hands. Sam noticed a chuckle from Dean from behind him, as he tried to stifle his own laugh. The poor kid looked terrified.</p><p>Sam’s eyes ran over the pews and landed on Cas. He noted the disapproving look shot directly at Dean’s laughter and cleared his throat in an attempt to hide his own smile. Sam continued to look out at the sea of people watching him, seeing everyone who came to celebrate; seeing family. Charlie and Stevie, Crowley and Rowena, Jody and Donna, Claire, Kaia, Patience, and Alex, Garth, Bess, little Castiel, and Sam, Bobby, Ryan, and Ketch, Max, Alicia, and Lorraine, Mike, Laurie, Scott, Eugine, and Jenna. Gerty dumped a fistful of the remaining petals at Sam’s feet. He tried to shoot her a reassuring smile, but she hawked up her dress, ran back to her family, and bounded onto her mother's lap before even looking up. Sam noted Garth’s mouthed ‘Sorry’ and tried desperately to stifle his laughter before a stirring at the back of the hall made Sam catch his breath.</p><p>There, dressed in a long white dress, her arm in Jack’s, stood Eileen, a huge grin plastered to her face, her eyes locked on Sams. Tears welled up in both of their eyes. A warmth spread through Sam’s chest as he reveled at the sight of her; as he reveled at the sight of his future. Dean slapped his brother on the shoulder, encouragingly. "Happily Ever After," he repeated to himself. Dean smiled and looked around through his tear-filled eyes, grateful for his family.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Matthew 22:30 (Yeah... I literally looked up the bible for this one...) "In the resurrection, people will neither marry nor be given in marriage. Instead, they will be like the angels in heaven."</p><p>Love the concept of Sam calling up Max Banes to ask him for his address so he can send him a wedding invite and Max is all "Can I get a plus one for my sister?" and Sam's all "Dude, she died" then Max has to explain that he ended up dooming his soul because he used that witch's ring to resurrect his sister from a bunch of twigs and Sam's all "Hey, man. We've all been there... Family... Am I right?".</p><p>Thanks so much for reading my fic. I've started reading other fix-it fics and now am super aware that there are some very creative and talented writers here. It's comforting that there are people out there helping me get some closure after fifteen years of emotional investment! Thanks again!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>